


Bitter

by TrippinOverMyFandoms



Series: Fluffy February 2021 [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Day Four, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy February 2021, Halloween, Hurt/Comfort, Post series finale, finding happiness in a lover, fluffy february, heavy mentions of depression, tagged for major character death but it's just mentioned, vague mentions of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29212335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrippinOverMyFandoms/pseuds/TrippinOverMyFandoms
Summary: Sam has always hated Halloween but it’s one of Eileen’s favorite holidays. He tries to enjoy it just for her.
Relationships: Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Fluffy February 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141427
Kudos: 8





	Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> If you happened to miss the tags :  
> tagged for major character death but it's just mentioned.  
> post series finale so spoilers for the ending.  
> heavy implications of depression  
> vague mentions of suicidal thoughts

8:17 pm. 

Sam groans and tips the digital clock face down so the red glow no longer lights up the pitch-black room. He’s already been in bed for an hour and hasn’t fallen asleep despite how tired he feels. He wishes he’d fall asleep, not being conscious would be significantly better than what he was, because he wasn’t tired, he was depressed. 

He rolls over onto his back, tries to situate himself to be comfortable again, maybe he’ll drift off. Maybe he’ll wake up late in the next afternoon and go back to sleep after he takes care of the dog. Maybe he should bring the dog to a shelter, he can barely take care of himself in his state let alone an animal. Then again, the dog was the only thing that kept him from feeling so alone in the bunker. Without Cas… without Dean… he really needs to move out. Maybe leaving it behind will make him feel better. 

Sam’s just gotten comfortable again, nestled into the divot in his mattress, limbs bent at odd angles only comfortable to him. He’s just about to doze off into what he prays will be a dreamless sleep when another light, brighter than his clock, pierces the darkness and causes his eyes, even closed, to hurt. It lasts for a second, maybe two, and fades out just as quickly. He growls, furious at the interruption as he violently throws his body to roll over and reach for his phone. He should ignore it, just try to sleep, but it’s a distraction that’ll occupy his thoughts just as well as ignoring them. 

He lifts the phone and checks his screen, having to squint against the light just to be able to read the message that runs across and obscures the nature image that is his lock screen. 

EILEEN  
Halloween plans? 😊

He doesn’t smile, not like he wants to, but his heart still does the little skip thing that it does whenever he sees her or hears from her. He’s torn between telling her he’s free and admitting that Halloween is the bane of his existence at the moment. 

He doesn’t want to go out, didn’t plan to at least. He wanted to go to sleep and pretend Halloween didn’t exist or that it wasn’t tonight at the very least. Just like he would when Christmas rolled around. Dean loved both of those stupid holidays and Sam had already resented them before but now, without his brother, he only hated them so much more. 

But his life didn’t end when Dean’s did, even if sometimes he wishes it had. He still has people who care about him, things to live for, a dog to take care of, and a girlfriend who wants to spend Halloween with him. If he can get out of bed to feed a dog that wasn’t even his then he could get out of bed to spend time with Eileen. That was the whole point of living, right? Honor those you lost and make new traditions with the ones you still have? Something like that. 

He ignores the brief idea of not texting her at all, he owes it to her to not be pathetic, he needed to get out of the bunker anyway. He texts her, tells her to give him about twenty minutes, then throws the blankets off himself and sluggishly gets out of bed. 

\---

Twenty minutes became thirty because Sam decided he needed a shower since he hadn’t left the bunker in over a week. He’s glad he did because Eileen sat next to him on the couch, curled up into his side and it would have been significantly less romantic if he hadn’t taken that extra time. Being ten minutes later than he promised wasn’t an inconvenience for her anyway. She still waited for him at her apartment and surprised him at the door with a plastic pumpkin bowl and made him say ‘trick or treat’ before letting him in. It was ridiculous but he laughed and played along anyways. 

From there, she had drug him over to the living room where she had popcorn and even more candy waiting on the coffee table and The Conjuring already in the DVD player. She had even told him she had watched it every Halloween since it came out and that it was her favorite since it was the closest movies had ever come to a movie about hunting. She wasn’t wrong either, Sam got to use the fact, that he had previously thought was useless, that the real Ed and Lorain Warren were actually hunters, which only seemed to further her excitement about the movie and her enjoyment made him smile for the second time that night. 

Now they were halfway through The Conjuring 2, Sam’s already regretting the amount of caramel squares he’s eaten but reminds himself that it’s Halloween and, according to Dean, Halloween candy never counts when it comes to calories. Eileen wiggles around to get more comfortable next to him and he moves his arm from the back of the couch to wrap around her. Once they’ve settled again, she sighs rather contently and says, “I love Halloween,” looking up at him almost adoringly. 

Sam is quick to sign “Me too,” back, forgetting entirely that he, in fact, hates Halloween. He’s already forgotten how he didn’t even want to leave his bed all day, or that tonight was the first time he’s left home in days, or that it’s the first time he hasn’t felt so bad. It’s not easy, he knows it won’t ever be, that it’ll always hurt deep down. But his least favorite holidays, and the days he doesn’t want to exist at all, don’t always have to be bitter. 

Sam hates Halloween a little less when he’s with Eileen.

**Author's Note:**

> I personally don't think it's really healthy to deal with grief by clinging to a lover but also it really breaks my heart to think of Sam with literally anyone other than Eileen post finale. I think after what he's been through his whole life he really needs someone who understands him and that life and can be there for him.  
> I just think about these two so much.


End file.
